Category: philosophy/religion topics
Growing up, I never really had a religion. As I said once here, the local Catholic church refused to give me my First Communion cause of my blindness and we had to do it out of town. Not that we were church-goers anyway. Well, since then, Mom said I should follow my heart, which I did. I had no religion except a belief in some kind of higher power and the paranormal in general until I was 19 and found Hellenic Polytheism. If I had a child, I'd try to raise him/her to the best of my ability and as a Hellenic Polytheist. But this thought crossed my mind and made me curious. What if, for some reason, he/she was dissatisfied with our religion and went looking elsewhere? So here are two situations to consider. Well, two and a half. lol If you don't have children, let's assume you do. If you do and this has happened to you, I'd be interested in hearing about your experience if you don't mind sharing.
1. Your preteen child comes to you and starts asking about different religions. A few days later, he/she comes to you and announces that he/she wants to join one that's different from your's. What do you do?
2. Your teenage or adult child (still living under your roof) says the same thing. If adult, he/she comes home from college and says he/she's studied different faiths and feels drawn to this one. If high school, he/she has a friend who's another faith and he/she wants to join. What would you do? Where, if at all, would you draw the line in any of the above situations?
As for me, in the case of the child, I'd sit him/her down so that we could start reading about his/her chosen religion. I'd try to be as objective as possible and help him/her to go to a ritual/church/temple related to that faith for a more firsthand experience. I'd then let him/her consider if this is something that he/she wants to pursue. In the case of the teenager, I'd need to discuss peer pressure and see if he/she could tell me why he'/she's attracted to his/her friend's religion. If it's to be cool or to fit in, I might discuss how religion doesn't necessarily make one "cool" in and of itself and how that's really a personal thing. If I found that my child was serious, I'd give him/her my blessing. In the case of the college student, there really wouldn't be anything to do accept to wish him/her luck and ask him/her to feel it through a bit.
The only time I'd draw the line is if my child tried to convert me, not in a "Mom, I love this and it feels great" but in a "you must do this or else and you're going to hell cause you're a pagan" sort of way and tried to make me follow the rituals/sacred things associated with that faith. I'd also have very serious issues if alcohol, drugs or violence were involved and would strongly discourage their use, leading to kicking my child out if it continued after counseling. Other than that, as much as I'd want my child to follow my faith, I'd pretty much respect their decision.
I think that as parents it is our duty to raise our children to be independent and to have the ability to decide things for themselves, and that includes religion.
I think that as parents we don't necessarily have to agree with our children's choices but that we do have to support them, and there is a difference.
I think this applies in lots of different situations, not just religious ones. For example, my six year old has indicated that he wants to be a vegetarian. He's not quite there yet, as he can't quite bring himself to give up sausages and ham, but he's torn because he also doesn't believe that animals should be killed for food, and he doesn't really like the idea of eating animals. I fully expect him to become a vegetarian in the next couple of years, on moral grounds. Now, while I myself am not vegetairian, as a parent, I should support his belief that it is wrong to kill animals (even if I don't agree with it) and support his wish to not eat them, and thus provide suitable alternatives.
I think the same applies to religion. We can support our children's desire to believe in a certain religion by perhaps giving them a lift to/from their church of choice, by not putting down the religion they have chosen to follow etc, but we don't have to believe what they believe - we don't have to go into the church, just as I won't be turning vegetarian..
Very good points. I'm not vegetarian myself but am very impressed that someone so young has made that kind of decision. Have you checked into the veggy burgers and sausages that vegans eat? Morning Star is one of the brands that makes them.
http://www.shoporganic.com
might have things for him. Check your local food store. Some of these things are becoming mainstream. If there's a Trader Joe near you, I'm sure they have alot at very good prices. That store is amazing. Good luck.
i have experienced this myself. both my kids were raised in an evangelical church. when my son got married, he started attending a church that is pentacostal. they are also ultra conservative. although i don't share his beliefs, I'm pleased as can be that he is going somewhere and believeing in something. too many kids today worship the god of self.
I experience this growing up, too. I was initially raised Catholic, but at the age of 13, decided I wanted nothing more to do with Catholicism. My Dad and oldest sister were very upset about this. Mom knew I had to choose my own path, and supported me. Two years later, I became a protestant Christian, and have gone to churches of many denominations, and learned much.
If a child of mine, (though I don't ever plan to have kids), wanted to change their religion, I too, would probably help them think it through for themselves, even if I disagreed with it. The more a parent resists a child's thinking for themselves, or making their own choices, the more they will do it. My Dad and older sister's anger at me leaving the Catholic faith only made me that more determined to do it. My Mom's support, and the support of friends who were already Protestant Christians, and even those who were not of any faith, helped me to think things through, and decide for myself.
If I had a child, I would raise him as a Christian. I believe it's a parent's responsibility to give a child a belief system. That being said, I have two older sisters. I am the mosst religious. Our parents raised us Lutheran. Even though my sisters don't practice any faith, my parents can rest assured that they gave them a firm foundation. I myself am considering converting to Catholicism. I know this would bother my mome a bit, but she would respect my decision. I try not to say where I think people are gonna go in the next life. While I have definite beliefs about heaven and hell, and my beliefs about other religions, I am not the final judge of who goes where.
I believe having the discussion with your parents to tell them what religion you want to conver to is a difficult thing to do. i myself have reached that point, but don't know how to bring this subject up without upsetting mom. She thinks I only want to convert just because I have a friend who has joined a convent, but that is not why. Grrrrr, explaining my reasoning to her is going to be very hard, not just because I feel she won't understand what I'm saying because of the language barrier, 9she is korean), but because I feel she's not going to be as accepting of what I want ot do. It's my life and I have to find my way, and I really wish she'd back off and lighten up.
I certainly wish you the best of luck. I couldn't imagine being in your position, but my best advice is to take things slow and try to explain it calmly. Let her know that you've thought things through, have done research, and that this isn't just because of your friend. Give her time. My Grandma isn't very religious in the church-going sense, but has a firm belief in Jesus and can't understand that not everyone believes in him. she's never proselitised but on several occasions she has tried the "you were born a Christian. You were baptised" bit, which Mom and I immediately stopped. She's even said that about my twin Adam who was adopted and brought up Jewish. But as time has passed, she's become alot more relaxed and there are times when she really does seem to get it. I guess it's just harder for those who grew up with a strong faith, or at least those whose family had strong religious ties.
1. Your preteen child comes to you and starts asking about different religions. A few days later, he/she comes to you and announces that he/she wants to join one that's different from your's. What do you do?
As long as it wasn't dangerous, I'd ask them how they heard of the religion, and then talk with them about what I knew about it. If I didn't know good solid facts, I'd look them up, then explain it to them in words they would understand. Then, when they were sure that is what they want to do, I would support them all the way. If I didn't want to or couldn't attend the church, temple, etc. they wanted to, I would find someone safe and reliable to take them.
2. Your teenage or adult child (still living under your roof) says the same thing. If adult, he/she comes home from college and says he/she's studied different faiths and feels drawn to this one. If high school, he/she has a friend who's another faith and he/she wants to join. What would you do? Where, if at all, would you draw the line in any of the above situations?
A collegge age adult should be mature enough to make their own decisions, so I wouldn't interfere at all. Doing so would only cause resentment. Being an open-minded person, it really wouldn't bother me what their choice was. If I don't agree, I might voice my opinion, but not in a patronizing way, and I wouldn't discourage them from their beliefs.
If my teenager was just giving into peer presure, and I suspected that, I would ask them questions about the religion they're interested in. If they could give deep or thoughtful answers, I would know they were genuine. If their answers seemed shallow, I would remind them that being popular isn't all it's cracked up to be, but if they insisted on joining this religion, as I said before, as long as it's not going to hurt them in any way, I think I'd tell them to go ahead. In a situation like this, sometimes a person has to crash and burn, and they probably wouldn't listen anyway. I'm 20, so it wasn't all that long ago I started questioning things like religion myself. I was raised a Christian, but my family was never that strict about religion. As long as I knew the basic morals of the 10 Commandments, they really didn't care what denomination I was or anything like that. There was a time when I thought I was an atheist, and while my mom knew about it, she told me everyone goes through that, believing that there's no God, and me, always being pretty analytical, figured it out for myself in time. I believe in God, I just wouldn't go back to a church for the simple fact that churches are full of hypocrisy, but that's not what this is about. Basically, I believe in freedom of choice, especially on asensitive topic like religion, and in the end my child will always befree to choose what they want to believe in.
I was raised Catholic and saw religion as a ritual rather than a relationship. During college I attended different denominations of the Christian faith and had to go through many periods of discovering my own spirituality. I didn't believe in God at one point which angered my parents and their attitude pushed me further away. If my child has questions about Catholicism I want to be prepared to answer them and if she chooses to join a different religion that would be her choice.
To Mistress Niara, Sorry, if I didn't spell that right, just be honest with your mom. It's a hard conversation to have, but let her know that it's not a judgment of her, or how she raised you. BTW, there are lots of Korean Catholics. If you explain as best you can the reasons why you want to convert, maybe she'll respect your decision. She might not agree with it, but perhaps she'll be a bit more tolerant of your newfound beliefs.